It is for this reason that in Europa Press Infosalus we talked to the psychologist expert in sexual therapy and couple therapy Verónica Portillo Serrano, on the occasion of the publication of her recent book ‘Amar bien, querer mejor’ (RBA), where she addresses this issue and provides a series of keys for the good management of this mourning.
First of all, she reminds us that the mourning after a sentimental breakup process does not last for a specific time, but it depends a lot on how the relationship has been and on the person. It is also important, from her point of view, not to forget that «each mourning is unique», and the important thing is to see how the person evolves in the process.
A TOUGH FIRST YEAR
«The first year is usually more complicated, full of first times, the first birthday or the first Christmas without that person. There are specific days when that person who was our partner tends to be more present, but it must be clear that there is no specific duration of mourning, and doing emotional work and processing what has happened to integrate it and close that chapter,» explains this psychologist.
Here she acknowledges that she has seen «healthy and careful breakups», especially if the relationship has been good and beautiful, and the people have been able to take care of each other during the relationship. Furthermore, she emphasizes that the breakup process is painful, although she affirms that it is a «necessary» pain: «The process hurts, but it is important not to add more pain. You can try to honor the relationship that has been had as long as possible, because that also helps.»
Furthermore, Portillo maintains that «when you reach the breakup, this also represents a gesture of love», because you are telling the other person that you respect them, you have loved them, but you cannot move forward, you cannot continue.
NOT MAKING DECISIVE DECISIONS
Another of her pieces of advice is that the mourning process after a sentimental breakup involves a period of time when you are very vulnerable, where you will feel many emotions, so it may not be the best time to make important or decisive decisions, and you should wait for a more neutral moment.
«Mourning is a sentimental process where there are many emotions and variables, and we will go from anger to annoyance, to pain or sadness, and emotions play a role. It is important to know that we will feel different, and when it is time to discuss and make decisions about the common good, it is preferable to do so in a more neutral or calm point, as much as possible,» she argues.
As she points out, in a breakup you have to talk, negotiate, and try to understand while you are sad, angry, or hurt. «Set aside your ego and keep in mind self-care. Arm yourselves with patience, try to reach terms and balances that work for both of you, preferably respecting each other’s needs, and give meaning to this journey. Keep in mind what has brought you to this point and what the purpose of saying goodbye is will also help you,» she adds.
Similarly, she reminds us that every sentimental process after a breakup is overcome, it passes, and you will reach another vital moment, aspects that Verónica Portillo considers are not always taken into account, and these processes are usually given a more individual look.
SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY
Regarding the support that these people can receive, she maintains that it is ideal for them to be always people external to the relationship, who will handle the necessary procedures with the partner, but really after the breakup, it should be family and friends who support us.
But it doesn’t stop there because this psychologist expert in sexual therapy and couple therapy advises creating new routines within this mourning process after a sentimental breakup.
1 attachment * Analyzed by Gmail